That being said, I intend to have you amused by this blog, a little aroused, and hopefully not to angry. Maybe a little angry. I usually tend to make people I'm hitting on angry. Am I hitting on you? Its probably the anger of intimacy. We are this close now, two blogheads connecting through the e-space, reaching out with our e-hands and touching our e-phalluses together. Phalluses. That has bound to be a recurring theme of this blog. that, and and inconsistent capitalization, bad spelling, fragments, and pictures of cats in various states of life. I cover the gamut of cat pictures, from kittens to dead. This is a picture of a very, very old cat:
What is profound about this is it's amazing ambiguity in the "state of cat" chart. Neither purely dead or purely cute, it borders the twilight zone between labels; it blossoms from the crack between idealogical crevices from which releases all the creative forces of the universe, and by extension the most fascinating internet meems. After all, what is not ambiguous is not worthy of mention.
But I digress. Obviously, The cat is most certainly dead. Yet it retains such a wonderful sense of movement-- even a sassy attitude! Does it threaten to attack thieves of her Egyptian demigod's tomb? Or does it paw at imaginary predators, her actual hunting function long ago watered down into imagination by the bourgeoisies-- could it even be saying, "I'm in your tomb, stealin your hiroglifix?" And further more, does its state of preservation move it out of the "dead cat" category, since its lack of recent signs of decay remove the shock quality most vital to the best dead cat pictures?
These questions are endlessly fascinating and surely will inspire scores of heated internet comment debates, peppered by existential questions of the validity of such comments in the first place and porn solicitations.
Discuss, non-existent readers. Primarily, tell me why you are reading, and why I shouldn't judge you.
3 comments:
I now see where the evils of a liberal arts education lead.
This is easily the most coherent and brilliant analysis of cats and their imminent deaths that I have ever read. As a leading catdeathologist, I know many things about cats and death, but without a liberal arts background, I always failed to poetically capture the statistics and numbers of my life's work. Thank you, blogger friend, for turning my obsession (profession and sexual) for cats and their eventual deaths into the highest of art.
This is obviously the most ignorant attempt at discussing the death states of cats that I have ever read. I was highly aroused while reading, but only because I find blatant idiocy amazingly hot. That is why this post aroused me to, say, a 7 out of 10, but the moronic comment following it aroused me to at least a 23. As the foremost deathstate scholar, I can correct the murderously handsome djf, and the blog-village idiot, "sally," on this most important of points: cats do not die like humans. Cats die nine times before they die fr realz. Thus this cat's "dead state" is irrelevant, because cat deaths 1-8 are basically identical, and all involve some primitive cat attempt at applause, which is what we see in the above pic. The ninth time cats die, they are reincarnated as liberal arts students, never to be seen or heard by civilized society again.
DJF, your post made me hot and bothered, and I would like to buy you an e-drink. Sally, your post's idiocy was so hot that it went all the way around and made you ass-fugly again, and I hope to never see you around the blogosphere henceforth.
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