other people who live in florida: 2009

Hello empty void where the soul of the world used to be. Did you miss me? This is what I was doing while I was gone: practicing for the apocalypse
I've been thinking alot about you lately. Trying to come up with a pet name. Sure, "Gaping sore of cultural bankrupcy," or, "the exquisite light show of civilization's self-cannibilization," or, "humanity's progress towards finally achieiving a 24 hour ejaculation," all are quite poetic, but they lack charm. Darkly poetic. Like this:

Scary! So NO. We need something cute, charming, marketable. How about "the Sundance Festival." Sunshine! Dancing! I'm already gleeful. I could just imagine tickling a tiny little dancing sun, giggling with heluim fusion delight as it vomits candycorn. of course, until my tickling fingers instantly melt in the 5,000,000 degree solar corona!

Okay, maybe not. That name is under copy-write. Let's just call it Adam.

Perfect! That just sums it up right there. Apparently, the only way we can find meaning in our life now is to make an incredibly attractive, charmingly effeminate, Claire-Danes-dating-actor dress up in an Astronaut suit to beg some boring girl to forgive him for having aspergers. Okay, our collective sense of guilt gets a good massage (look! handicapped people being represented, and loved by hot chicks! of course, not physically disabled. that would never be picked up by Fox), sonambulists everywhere gave it two frozen arms up, but, there are some problems. THREE PROBLEMZ:

1. For one, nerds are no longer in need of your reparitive affections, straight women. As I'm sure you already know, they get laid with the frequency formerly reserved for NBA players, excpet, you WANT NBA players to shag everything, but nerds are supposed to be bumbling sexual morons, breaking into your windows in the middle of the night to confess his painfully honest feelings. NOT ANYMORE! The dot-com revolution has somewhat dishonestly convinced mainstream america that the 'nerd' is something desirable, or at least something resembling a nerd, in the way in which a python, having ingested a pig, resembles a pig. America has swung its junk onto the skinny boy with big glasses and a remarkably defined adam's apple, and so now former duesh-bros everywhere have put on pressed shirts and glasses and act the nerd, though their shit-eating grin usually gives them away.

THE POINT is, this man is totally bangable, despite whatever costume he breaks and enters my home with.

So that's crime number one. "NERDS" don't need your love, hot bland women of America. Go find a real nerd. To give you a clue, he doesn't want you to find him, unless you are a busty she-elf in bondage, and he smells like the canola oil he fuels his home-made car with.

2. Everyone is fucking sick of painfully awkward people. Even Michael Scott is a competent buisness manager now, and better dressed than my Dad. Zing!

3. NASA can't do anything of value and nobody cares about it. Most of us stopped caring about tiny traces of carbon on Mars when the icecaps started melting and the economy collapsed. And far-away Galaxies ceased to be a source of cosmic wonder with the advent of you-tube. Show me a extrasolar planet, and I'll destroy all your preconceptions about what cats can and can't do on camera.
SIDE POINT: Space is full of empty and cold, much like everything Rupert Murdoch has ever touched.

4. RAINMAN accomplished this far better.

5. No, this film is not Forrest Gump, which benifeted from the fact that the 20th century at least had some blood in it, and no, that does not count as reflexivity, and no, you don't deserve to cry.

Okay, okay, enough of that. Let's get serious.

MOoooOIVIes! Independent moOOOoooOVieS! So much fun, Yea! So quirky and original, yea! Cat party, yea!